Thursday, December 16, 2010

Yep, I’m definitely not Jewish

Things you need to fully understand before reading this post.
1.  I’m not Jewish
2. I’ve never been to a synagogue
3.  This post should have been written 1 ½ weeks ago.

I was tricked into going to a Hanukkah (or Chanukah… but who am I kidding, I have no idea how to speak Hebrew and I’m not Jewish so Hanukkah) event.  In reality I may not have been “tricked” or even "convinced," Ruth –a girl I work with- asked me if I wanted to see a Jewish comedian with her. 

After youtubing a couple of his clips and making sure that it was okay for me to laugh at his jokes, I agreed to go.  Sure it was a Saturday and it cost 20$ to go, but I really had nothing else to do.

We went and we were basically rejected at the door.  I imagine they took one look at me and realized I wasn’t Jewish and decided that they should lie and say they were sold out of tickets. 

But that’s a lie, they really were sold out of tickets. (and plus I have dark brown curly hair and I work at the Holocaust museum… I could very easily be Jewish? Right?!?!?)

Ruth went up to a lady who looked very official - she was wearing a name badge and everything - and asked if there was any way we could go to the event. 
In her overly excited voice (think HS cheerleader) she told us that unfortunately they were sold out of tickets, but we should come back for the after party and there would be free food, a DJ, drinks, and that it would be lots of fun! After informing us that it started at 9:30 and only cost 10 dollars, we pretty much decided that we would go. 

And plus, she must have noticed that we were bummed about missing the comedian and she offered to steal give us some of the free donuts they had.  I said that I was good.  But Ruth insisted that we get some.

As a result for Ruth’s need for free “stuff” we got 2 free donuts.  One with jelly filled and we spent a good ten minutes deciding what to do with it.  We decided just to throw it away, after unsuccessfully offering it to a couple of strangers.

We spent the next hour or so at Rocket Bar.  Were we played Connect four and Scrabble.  I continually won at connect four and listened to Ruth claim that the reason she kept on losing was because she has never played connect four (seriously, she grew up in Vermont…. Not some strange country like Canada that probably doesn’t have awesome games like connect four).
To be fair she did bet me at scrabble. 

We made our way back to the synagogue to attend what we thought would be a fun-filled “after party”
We paid our ten dollars and walked into the event room.

Automatically literally seconds- after we walked in we felt awkward.  It felt like a middle school dance, but instead of guys on one side and girls on the others.  It was groups of pairs; two girls, two boys, two girls, two boys, etc.

It soon became clear to us that we were at what I can only call a “Jewish singles social event.”  But not just any kind of “dating” event, one with the oldest girl being 25 and the youngest guy being 35.

I decided that we should stay for a little bit considering that we spent 10$ to get in.   (And at this point I thought maybe I could find myself a Jewish Dr. or something)

After a couple of minutes two guys walked up to Ruth and me and introduced themselves.  They automatically asked if we regularly attend this synagogue and I just give a blank-stare to Ruth.  She responds with the “oh, we work together response and that I wasn’t Jewish… blah, blah, blah.” 
Then they asked  how the mission of our museums differs from Yad Vashem.  Um, this is not a get to know me question?-   And after some more awkward convo we found out that they were both Eye Doctors (my friend steph would appreciate this) 
as a slight side note: one mentioned that he has lived in this area for 8 years (and he didn't attend grad school in DC)... this should give you a hint on their age. 
They soon excused themselves to get themselves a drink. They offered to get us a drink, but we politely turned them down –when I say “we” I mean “me” I have a feeling Ruth would have wanted a free $3 soda, but a $5 beer seemed pointless-  

The next guy who talked to us was an out of  shape-balding  guy in his late 30’s maybe early 40s.  He awkwardly stood next to us for ten minutes before he talked to us.  And then he asked us if we wanted to dance. –um, no-
Needless to say, we danced a little –by ourselves- and after the creepy guy decided to join us we decided to leave.

To visualize it for you: I imagine it would be a lot like a 90's High School teen movie
you know where the cute pretty naive girl is just waiting for the her prince charming. That prince charming isn't the popular captain of the football team (or perhaps, college freshmen studying some BS major like Pre-Med) but instead it is a nice nerdy guy who really understand her needs. 
nerdy guys with Middle age Jewish Adult 
Amanda Becket with single young 20 something yr old girl.  

What I learned:
I spent 10$ and a half an hour of my life to realize that I no longer want to marry a Jewish guy.  Or at least I now know single events are awkward and weird.  


  1. what about getting burger king with a jewish guy?

  2. I would lower my standards to get Burger King with a guy.